About the Book
Title: The Title of Temperance
Author: Ichabod Temperance
Genre: Steampunk / Paranormal
Ohhh, my noggin. What has happened? I took a whallop upside the head and woke up in a place far from my time and home. Instead of it being the modern era of 1877 like it ought to be, I am in the distant past of England’s Dark Ages! There are mighty warriors in gleaming armour, and beautiful ladies wearing colourful gowns with taffeta secured dunce caps.
This is the castle Camelot! I am in the company of King Arthur and his majestic Knights!
Golly, can you imagine? Me, Ichabod Temperance, an Alabama tinker in King Arthur’s Camelot!
Oh, Goodness, it ain’t took too long before I already have trouble up to my hat’s brim what with Mr. Merlin, Miss Morgana, and a big mean knight in black armour getting bristly with me. Gee whiz, if I ain’t careful, I might end up wrecking there ever having been a Western Civilization!
Standing over five feet, seven inches and weighing in at better than one hundred and thirty pounds, Ichabod Temperance is ‘The Alfalfa Male.’ After lengthy music, karate, and pro-wrestling careers, Ichabod’s involvement with movie stuntwork has led him to write these whimsical, steam-driven adventures. Mr. Temperance and his lovely muse, Miss Persephone Plumtartt, live in Irondale, Alabama, USA, along with their furry pack family.
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“Oh, gosh, uh, prithee, how may I serve thee my Queen, Ma’am?”
“Oh Ichabod, you are naughtte like the other members of court. Oh, how they gossip! Like great grist mills they churn out their slander! Courtesans’ tongues wag to fan each other in the summer heat methinks! It makes me so angry! I have never laid a finger on his luscious body! Naughtte once have I dived into that big pool of studly glory that is the buff-boy of my dreams, Sir Launcelot! Who could blame a girl for wanting a piece of that stallion! I am a Queen but I am a woman too! I have needs! I have desires! Don’t get me wrong! I love my King and I love my country! Arthur is a good man and a good husband. The sex is great! It’s naughtte that, it’s that even in the act of physical love, some part of him is off being a King. When the moment comes for the King to espouse, it is England in his heart and mind. With Launcelot it’s different. Launcelot wants me as no man has ever desired a woman! Launcelot undresses me with his eyes. I am naked under his penetrative vision. I feel his burning gaze and it in turn sets my own passion ablaze. Oh, how I long for him! The curl of hair about his fair face. Oh, how I could lick whipped cream from his tanned, shaven, muscular chest. I telleth thee true, Sir Ichabod, I could ride that horse all night long! Kuh-boingy-boingy-boingy…”
“Hunh? Merry, perhaps I am getting carried away. Now, you must promise me, naughtte a word to the King! Do you promise?”
“Nor to Launcelot!”
“Good. Methinks I shall go have a massage.”
“Good idea, Ma’am.”
“Gee, that was strange. I better get out of here before I run into…King Arthur! Hi sir, um, what are you doing back here?”
“I was looking for the Queen, you haven’t seen her come through here have you?”