Book-signing Events – Every Author’s Dream – and Nightmare

Back when my first novel was published in 2004, my then publisher hooked me up with a publicist to teach me the ins and outs of book promotion. In our initial conversation, she asked, “Are you willing to do book events?”

After over twenty years of dreaming about the day I would become a published author, this question was a no-brainer. YES! Bring it on!

To my surprise, she said many authors won’t do book events. Since then, in my work as both a author and a publisher, I have discovered that most authors (as in well over fifty percent) not only don’t like in-person book events, but refuse to do in-person book events.

Since then, I’ve found out why—in-person book events can sometimes become a nightmare.

The Book Pitch

As a naïve new author, my first book signing event was at a local bookstore in my hometown. The local newspaper had written up a big feature about the release of my first book, a mystery set in our own small town. The line of customers anxious to get a signed copy of my book was out the door. I was signing books for the entire two-hour event.

Being a newbie, I was unprepared me for the first person in line—a writer looking for advice on how to get his book published. Here I was—looking like a deer in the headlights—smiling and nodding my head—fully aware of the line stretching across the bookstore and out the door, while he pitched his book to me.

At that point in my career—a newbie author—I had no idea what to do. Finally, explaining that people were waiting, I reached around him and gestured to the next person in line. At that point, the writer pulled up a chair and sat down at the table next to me to continue his pitch.

Moments later, a reporter from the local paper appeared to interview me, while I was still signing books and talking to readers.

“Is it difficult being an author?” she asked me.

“Oh, yes, it’s very hard,” the unpublished writer sitting next to me said with a nod of his head.

She’s talking to me! I wanted to scream.

Years later, the novelty had worn off in my small hometown and I had toughened up—or so I thought.

After the release of my second book, I was scheduled for a book signing at a chain bookstore and coffee shop. It was a hot Saturday in July.

When I arrived at the store, I found that the manager had set up my book signing table directly in the path from the front door to the coffee shop. She even placed some extra chairs to invite readers to sit with me to discuss my latest mystery.

We both thought that was a prime location. Customers racing to their iced coffee had to go past me. Yet, instead of buying my books, they’d growl at me while hurtling my table.

Now, I could take growling and grumbling. By then, I was a seasoned author with two books under my belt. The real problem was the elderly squatters who decided to take up residence at my book signing table.

Book Table Hijacked

The snarling customers hurtling my table in their race for the coffee shop were the grown children of residents at the assisted living facility. In visiting their parents, they would take them to the bookstore. Once inside the door, the elderly folks would plop down in the first seat they found, which happened to be at my book signing table.

Before long, my table was filled with a group of senior citizens who were camping out while their grown children drank coffee and read in the coffee shop during their Saturday afternoon visit.

Being the savvy author that I am, I proceeded to tell the audience sitting at my table about my new release. I only made it partially through the premise before one cranky old woman said, “We don’t want to hear about your book!” The three old ladies continued to gab among themselves while ignoring me.

Let me remind you, they were sitting at my table.

An hour or so later, their children returned from the coffeeshop to take them home.

I only sold one book, which was surprising considering that my book signing table was filled during the entire event with elderly folks who insisted they didn’t read.

A Visit From PETA

Years later, I was a best-selling author with a fan base. Book events weren’t as lonely as they had been. To my joy, sometimes I would have fans of my mysteries coming out to the bookstores to see me.

After the release of the second Mac Faraday mystery, I was at a book event when a woman walked into the store. I could see her approaching my table with a sense of purpose.

Ah, I thought, she must have read It’s Murder, My Son and now she’s back for the second. I picked up Old Loves Die Hard and proceeded to give my pitch.

“Yes, I read It’s Murder, My Son.” She planted her hands on her hips. “That’s why I’m here. Never do you swat a dog on the snout!”

My mouth dropped open as I tried to recall where in It’s Murder, My Son that Mac Faraday swatted Gnarly, his German shepherd on the snout.

She proceeded to march off to the coffee shop. She was several feet away when she stopped turned around and yelled, “It’s okay to murder someone in cold blood, but never—ever—should you smack a dog on the snout!”

I grabbed a copy of It’s Murder, My Son and hunted through the pages until I found the section that she was referring to. It was a scene where Mac had to pull Gnarly back from attacking the murderer who had killed his previous master.

That was when I switched to virtual book tours.