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The Heartbeats of Aloha
Brooke Gilbert
(Under the Hawaiian Stars)
Publication date: July 1st 2025
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Romance

𝙎𝙚𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙙𝙮, 𝙧𝙚𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙩𝙚. 𝘾𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧-𝙘𝙧𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧?

Reef has been in love with Luna since they were kids. As a secret romance novelist, he pours his unrequited feelings into his books, reliving their love on the page. But when Luna’s uncle proposes a fake relationship to thwart a stunt her PR wants to pull, Reef’s wildest dreams and worst fears are about to collide.

Luna never stopped loving Reef, even when she broke his heart to protect him. Music became her refuge, but fame brought unexpected complications. Now, fate has brought them back together, but the demons of their past threaten to consume them both.

As Reef and Luna navigate their rekindled feelings amidst a whirlwind of secrets, heartache, and desire, they’ll discover that sometimes reality is even more extraordinary than fiction. When their truths come to light, will their love survive, or will they wish they’d left the past buried in the sands of time?

The Heartbeats of Aloha is a poignant, swoon-worthy standalone in the International Soulmate series. Immerse yourself in:

  • A heart-melting second chance romance
  • The lush, tropical beauty of Hawaii
  • A fake relationship that feels all too real
  • Deep, nuanced portrayals of mental health and disability
  • Unforgettable characters, including an adorable canine companion

If you love emotional journeys filled with tender moments, sizzling chemistry, and the healing power of love, then Brooke Gilbert’s moving story is a must-read.

Let the rhythm of the islands guide you to your next great romance. Grab The Heartbeats of Aloha today and lose yourself in Reef and Luna’s unforgettable love story!

Content note: This book contains discussions of anxiety, depression, and panic attacks.

Goodreads / Amazon

EXCERPT:

As soon as the doors closed, I turned to her. “Luna,” I breathed. I didn’t know what to do, but I was being drawn to her, the tether from earlier pulling at me even harder. I placed my hands on either side of her hips, grabbing the cold railing with everything I had, desperate to be close to her.

Then I leaned into her slightly. “He’s just an idiot who’s upset he lost the best thing he’s ever had. Nothing in the world could make me want to ‘return’ you. If you were mine, I’d do anything to keep you.”

Her eyes became even glossier as they drifted up to meet mine. “You don’t even know what it is.” She looked away. “I didn’t think I needed to tell you since this is all . . .”

“This is all what?” I asked her more pointedly. Her lips parted, but she said nothing. I could see the ghost of the word ‘fake’ on them. I gripped the railing tighter. “I never wanted any of this to be pretend. Not one second of it has been for me. Has it been for you?”

She shook her head methodically, as if knowing what she was unleashing, and my lips curved upward at her response. Especially when her body gravitated toward mine like she couldn’t stand to be apart.

I started to remove my glasses, knowing this was the first time my feelings and intentions would be on full display for her. The first time, nothing would be covered up under the guise of Louis’ plan.

“Luna, why did you write One More Hour? Was what you said on stage true?” I asked with urgency.

But her face said it all. I didn’t need the words her lips mouthed so sensually . . .“Yes . . . It was you I wanted. I’ve always wanted you. I still do.”

As I went to pull off my glasses, she stopped me, shaking her head emphatically. I felt like a dork, with the goofiest grin on display.

“What? You want me to keep them on? I was trying to look less like a nerd.” I laughed nervously as I leaned even closer to her, my hands clutching the railing beside her.

“Yes, they have to stay on. It’s required.” But she was only halfway teasing, and I loved it. “Do you know how many fantasies I’ve had about this?”

“No, why don’t you tell me?” I began coyly.

“Enough to have a bet with myself about how fast I can fog them up.” She smirked.

“Oh, I’m seeing the appeal now. Maybe this nerd thing can have some perks,” I mumbled. But all my cockiness left me as I became overwhelmed by her. Especially as she reached up for the collar of my dress shirt and tugged me toward her. The smell of the plumeria flower in her hair and the scent of Luna overcoming any hesitation. I wanted to bottle her scent along with this moment.

Our faces were only inches apart, warmth radiating between us. And I was ready to close any of the distance between us. Need taking over in a way I’d never known, when she breathed out, “Why didn’t you ever kiss me?”

“I couldn’t tell if you wanted me to.” A pain twisted at her cheeks with my words.

There was a hard tug on my shirt collar. A very clear sign of her want. And with that, all space and time vanished. It was just her lips on mine as I leaned into every part of her. Every part I knew intimately and loved . . . all of her. Allowing myself to taste her for the very first time.

I pulled back suddenly, and her eyes looked simultaneously confused and incredibly disappointed.

“Wait,” I interjected, and her face fell. I pushed off of the handrails and moved toward the elevator pad. Quickly, I pulled the emergency button, halting the elevator.

“Reef, you can’t do that.” Her eyes flashed with mixed amusement and sheer concern.

With a confidence I didn’t know I possessed, I strode back over to her. “Oh, but I think I already did.” I readjusted my glasses to look at her, the ones that were already fogged up. “Now, where were we?”

She laughed as my hands slid around the back of her thighs to pick her up, gently propping her against the elevator railing. Her legs seamlessly wrapped around me like they were always meant to be there.

“Oh yeah, here.” The words tumbled out of me.

Luna only laughed harder and then raked her hands upward through my hair, pulling me in with more force this time. I met her heady passion with a strong desire of my own this time. But I was becoming increasingly aware that I had kind of cornered her. And what started out feeling sexy now felt like it could cause anxiety. And that’s the last thing I ever wanted. I spun us around, effectively swapping our positions, hoping to give her more space and control. I was absolutely fine with her cornering me.

Luna looked at me and her legs squeezed even tighter around me as her fingers dug deeper. Sending shockwaves through my scalp and back. I guess I’d made the right call. Especially when her lips melted over mine and then started roaming, making use of my neck in ways no one had ever properly done before. I had gotten everything wrong in my novels. No kiss I wrote could ever compare to this. I was going to need to make a few revisions.

“Miss!” the intercom burst forth from the elevator speaker. We looked at each other with wide eyes. “Miss, please disentangle yourself and step away from the gentleman.” I started laughing and Luna gave me a look that said it wasn’t funny. “We’re going to be overriding the elevator panel and resuming normal functions as soon as . . . you . . . huh hmm . . . Remove yourself.”

But Luna just stayed glued to me, like a scared monkey. Her face was a mixture of shock and embarrassment. “Ma’am,” the booming voice rang out, “Please don’t make me call security.”

“Yeah, stop mauling me, Luna. Geez.” Now she was laughing, too, as I helped her stand beside me. She seemed as off balance as I felt. Her knees even buckled at the point of contact with the floor. With a sly smile, I pointed to the other corner of the elevator. “You better go over there, just to be safe.”

She just shoved me lightly, like when we were kids, and the elevator started moving. The booming voice thanked us for our ‘cooperation,’ no matter how unenthusiastically we had complied with the request. And then Luna’s long, petite fingers found their way in between mine. A peaceful reverberation echoing throughout my body when she did. She was like that first cool breeze coming off the ocean at the end of the hottest day. She was my happy place. Everything that made our island special, she encompassed it all so well. The heartbeats of this place were the people. The heartbeats were her.

My eyes dared to glance over at her, and the intimacy of this moment changed me. I would never look at love the same way. She had just cracked something wide open inside of me. Right at the place that had been scarred so many years ago, and then forever placed herself inside it.


Author Bio:

Brooke Gilbert is a Tennessee native, a microbiology graduate of the University of Tennessee, and a border collie mom. She is, as you may have already guessed, a hopeless romantic and a lover of Jane Austen. When she isn’t writing, she works as a jewelry designer, an audiobook narrator, and a graphic designer. Her writing features characters with autoimmune disorders, something she deals with herself. She believes it is important for these types of characters to be seen in modern literature and started writing so she could see someone like herself in literature. She is considered a medical mystery and has several rare autoimmune disorders. These disorders caused her to withdraw from Physician Assistant School, but she is happy to be pursuing her dreams of designing, creating, and writing. She thanks God for leading her heart on this new path and recites “perhaps this is the moment for which you were created” in times of doubt (Esther 4:14).

She loves watching classic films (thrillers and romantic comedies, too), reading, playing the ukulele, painting, dancing, Pilates, and spending time with her dog, family, and friends. One of her favorite quotes is from Flashdance: “When you give up on your dreams, you die.” She believes that if you’re waiting to pursue your dreams, stop waiting and start doing. Your time is now. And may you never stop being a hopeless romantic. Contrary to popular belief, it’s a very good quality. She’s still looking for her Mr. Darcy. Visit brookegilbertauthor.com to connect and stay updated on her latest projects.

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The Everest Enigma by Jeannette de Beauvoir Banner

THE EVEREST ENIGMA

by Jeannette de Beauvoir

June 16 – July 11, 2025 Virtual Book Tour

Synopsis:

The Everest Enigma by Jeannette de Beauvoir

AN ABBIE BRADFORD MYSTERY

 

Abbie Bradford is at a crossroads.

Fresh off earning her doctorate in history, she’s unsure of her next move—until bestselling novelist Emma Caulfield, an acquaintance of Abbie’s brother, presents an irresistible challenge: join her on a grueling trek from Kathmandu to Everest Base Camp in Nepal.

When the adventure takes a deadly turn, Abbie starts to question Emma’s true motives as she finds they may hold the key to unraveling a century-old mountaineering mystery—if they can survive long enough to solve it.

Book Details:

Genre: Women Sleuths, Mystery, Thriller
Published by: Beckett Books
Publication Date: May 15, 2025
Number of Pages: 280
ISBN: 9798992594201 (Pbk)
Series: An Abbie Bradford Mystery, Book 1
Book Links: Amazon | Goodreads

Read an excerpt:

Chapter 1

I saw my first dead body when I was nine years old.

That sounds scary, but oddly enough, it didn’t feel that way at the time—something about the resilience of childhood, I expect.

We’d gone to Algeria for my father to take celestial measurements in the Sahara, and one day the local expat group asked him to accompany a doctor going to see a woman in a village outside of town—she was an American, they said, and would be reassured by the presence of other Americans.

We went along with him because my mother wanted to, and that was back in the good days, the days before she started having serious conversations with the bust of Shakespeare in the front hall of our mansion in Boston’s Back Bay.

My family members each embrace obsession in their own way. My younger brother Martin went so mad for God he had to become a priest—albeit an Episcopal one, so he can still enjoy some of the finer things in life. My father, following a patriarchal tradition of obsessive eccentricities, devotes his life to stargazing—and traveling to stargaze—while my older brother Phillip turned those same stars into scientific objects and spends his days teaching astrophysics. And my mother… well, the less said about my mother, some days, the better.

I expect we each have something terribly wrong with us.

So my parents and I went along the bumpy track in the Land Rover, with the doctor explaining that she’d been screaming, the American woman, something about great birds blotting out the sun. Ergot poisoning, he added. It happens.

By the time we arrived, the woman had died, and there was fear still etched in her face, fear of those dark wings she’d seen in the sky. Memorable. And so I saw my first body when I was nine.

I wonder, now, if that meant anything, pointed me in a direction I didn’t even know I was taking, that would be revealed only once I went to Nepal.

***

The visitor came soon after I was contemplating the dispiriting contents of my refrigerator.

I periodically go on diets, and the first step in any diet is clearing out anything remotely delicious from your kitchen. And then, of course, that first night finds you staring at a hard-boiled egg, a can of tomato juice, some healthy-looking grain, and an apple that’s seen better days.

I pulled up the online delivery menu from The Q, my favorite local Chinese restaurant. I could go back to the diet tomorrow.

So when the buzzer rang downstairs, I flung the door open with enthusiasm achieved only by a person who’s been dieting for a full eight hours. Instead of the delivery guy with a bag full of goodies, however, I was looking at a slightly older-than-middle-aged woman in an anorak with the hood up.

“Yes?”

She sniffed, wiping an errant snowflake from her cheek. “Are you Abigail Bradford?”

“Yes,” I said automatically. “Can I help you?”

The gray eyes looked me over, shrewd, intelligent, and extremely thorough. I wondered what she made of what she saw, because I can be a little startling at first: a tall youngish woman, chin-length hair currently an experimental vivid blue, brown eyes behind glasses. “You answered my post,” she said calmly.

I stared at her. “Excuse me?”

“My post,” she repeated, exasperation creeping into her voice. “I put a post up on the intranet. At Harvard.”

At that moment the dinner delivery arrived, the driver impatiently shouldering past her. “Here you go.”

I had the tip ready. “Thanks,” I said, grabbing the food and hoping this woman would take the hint and leave.

“Well,” she said, eyeing the bag, “you’ll want to get to your dinner.”

“Yes,” I agreed.

She stepped forward. “So let’s get inside. There’s supposed to be heavy snow after midnight.” She caught my eye. “Well, of course I won’t be staying past midnight,” she said. “But with the timing of things—well, I wanted to do the interview as soon as possible. Of course.”

Interview?

The wind was screaming down Acorn Street—the most-photographed street in Boston is also one of the narrowest, a perfect wind tunnel—and my dinner was getting cold. I gave up and let her in.

Five minutes later we were sitting rather cozily in my living room, her coat and hat hung up in the hall, fire blazing merrily along, boxes of fragrant Chinese food between us. “You’re sure you don’t want anything?” I asked for about the third time. I am nothing if not polite, even to people who are clearly off their rockers.

“No, no, you go ahead, dear,” she said, fluffing the pillow beside her, settling in. Seen in the light, she had no-nonsense, short salt-and-pepper hair, with lots of laugh wrinkles around her gray eyes.

Nothing distracted, however, from the sharpness in those eyes.

“Since your memory is clearly failing you,” she said, “I’ll remind you. I’m Emma Caulfield. I put up an ad for a research assistant to go with me to Nepal.”

I’d just opened the chopsticks packet. “Nepal?”

“Well, yes, of course, Nepal,” she said, frowning. “Really, dear, do you usually repeat what people say to you? Do you want the job, or not?”

I put everything down. There was a glimmer of an idea at the back of my mind. Harvard perforce means Phillip, and this was exactly something Phillip would think was funny. “I have a feeling my brother answered your post on my behalf,” I said carefully.

She was unfazed. “Then he must have known you’d want the job.”

“Going to Nepal.”

She nodded. “Going to Nepal.”

I thought about it. It wasn’t actually totally insane. My brothers and I are that most hated of species, trust-fund babies, and Phillip and I have spent a substantial part of our inheritances collecting academic letters after our names, probably to prove something to someone… well, I’ve never quite worked that part out. I was into the second year of holding my doctorate in history, and hadn’t yet found any work in academia. Boston and Cambridge might together be the hub of higher education, but even lectureships are harder and harder to come by, and guarded jealously.

And—here’s the thing—truth be told, I was slowly coming to the conclusion that I didn’t actually want a career in higher education. I liked the research part: I liked being a detective, figuring out what really happened, the story behind the story preserved for posterity. Learning about people who weren’t just stick-figures, real people who lived and loved and breathed and should be remembered. Bringing them back to life, somehow, if only on paper.

Teaching… yeah, maybe not so much. Faculty interactions, definitely not. And while it’s true I’d never need to work for a living, that didn’t mean I didn’t actually want to. To contribute to the world in some way. I just wasn’t yet seeing how.

All that meant, of course, was there wasn’t anything tying me to Boston at the moment.

“What,” I asked, “are you going to Nepal for?”

“Well, research, of course, dear.” She looked puzzled. “I thought that would be obvious.” I didn’t say anything, and she sighed gustily. “I’m Emma Caulfield,” she said again.

“Yes, I got that part.”

“I’m a writer.”

I continued to stare blankly at her, and she started looking annoyed. “I write historical romances,” she said. “I’m on the New York Times bestseller list.”

And there it was. I hadn’t heard of her for good reason: I subscribe to the academic historian’s dim view of historical fiction in general, and historical romances in particular. It’s an automatic judgment we make: slipshod research, damsels in distress, Regency dresses. I met her eyes. “Bodice-rippers,” I suggested, nodding.

To my surprise, she laughed. “Well, good for you, Abigail Bradford,” she said. “I was starting to think you didn’t have any gumption at all.”

There it was again, that sharp mind behind those eyes. “You fraud,” I said slowly. “You knew I’d react like that.”

Emma nodded. She looked thoroughly satisfied. “I am researching my next novel,” she said crisply. “I am going to Kathmandu, and then on to some trekking. I’m planning on getting up to Everest Base Camp, and I certainly don’t want to do that alone.” Her expression dared me to say anything. “I’m good at asking questions, and taking in the scenery, and all that. But I’m not always able to organize what I’m doing, and this time around I need some specialist help. I want you to help research what it was like for people on the mountain, people in the country, people in the world, in the early nineteen-twenties.”

She paused, and a trace of something vulnerable slipped into her voice. “I also need someone to—well, to go with me. I used to like traveling on my own, have done it for years, but not so much anymore. There’s too much to keep track of, and I need to be thinking and writing. So I need someone to go with me.”

“As a researcher,” I said.

She didn’t meet my eyes. “I’ve never done this before,” she confessed. “I’ve always done everything on my own. But this time feels different—and I’m not about to get a reputation for slipshod work, so I need some help. Some research, some organizing, some travel… and someone to tell me when I’m going off in the wrong direction. That’s why I need a historian—you.”

Not just any historian: me. I’d remember that, later. “You’re looking for facts?” I asked sweetly. “That must be a first for a romance novelist.”

“Historical romance novelist,” she corrected. Her eyes were steely. “So are you in, or what?”

I had a feeling I was going to regret this. “I’m in,” I said. “And now, can we eat?”

***

I Googled her, of course. The moment she was out the door.

Emma Caulfield, it transpired, was indeed a Big Name in the genre. She’d been writing novels for the past thirty-odd years. She’d been part of the big Regency romance movement, had switched things around for a while with an American Colonial period, even set a small series in prehistoric Britain.

And she was right: her novels were consistently on the bestseller list. She must be making a fortune.

“The romance bestseller list,” I reminded my friend Justine when I told her about the late-night visit. We were still deep in February, and we’d come off the ice-skating at Boston Common to the warmth of my fireplace, a pot of tea, and a bag of popcorn.

“You know,” Justine said, stretching out a leg toward the heat, “you could manage to be just a little more judgmental if you tried.”

“Do you think?” I smiled and refilled her tea. I was only half-serious.

“What I think,” she said carefully, “is that you might be surprised. Romance novels have come a long way since the oh, John, oh, Mary days.”

“And you would know this, how?”

She laughed. “Come on, Abbie. Sex and the City changed everything. There are feminist romances now. And your Emma Caulfield—she has a good reputation. I think she might surprise you, I really do. God, I think my toes are finally thawing.” She slanted a look at me. “So you’re going with her? To Kathmandu?”

I nodded. “I think so.”

“You know, you don’t have to, just because Phillip had one of his harebrained ideas.”

“Trouble is,” I said slowly, “he’s usually right, and it actually sounds like it could be fun. And… interesting. The work, the travel, the research—there’s a goal, you know? Something that might mean something.”

She nodded, her eyes on the flames. Justine knows about my past. Phillip and Martin and I are the thirteenth generation of an old, old Massachusetts family: check it out, the first governor of what would eventually become the Commonwealth was named Bradford, he was on the Mayflower that first miserable winter in Provincetown and Plymouth. Later, during the Gilded Age, the Bradfords became rich beyond understanding, though they had one saving grace—philanthropy. Hospitals, learning institutions, the arts … my ancestors helped build the knowledge-based economy that still characterizes Boston.

I have an ambivalent relationship with my family wealth—well, to be fair, with much of my family itself, too—and am always looking for ways to put it to good use; I’m not interested in a trust fund that does nothing but increase itself. I give away a lot of money, in a whole lot of ways, and that’s good, that’s important… but I’d like to be doing something important, too. I just hadn’t yet figured out what.

“So what’s the plan?” Justine asked. “What exactly is she researching?”

I shut my eyes; I can nearly always visualize conversations when I do. “She’s doing something about an Everest expedition back in the 1920s,” I said. “There was an Englishman called George Mallory who went up and didn’t come down, and there’s controversy about whether he reached the summit or not, which is an important question among mountaineers.” I paused. “And apparently he was incredible eye-candy, as was his wife, so maybe it’s a love story between them.” I found I was smiling. Okay, so maybe there was something more to romance novels than I’d assumed. “She wants me to go to Kathmandu ahead of her, and she’ll join me after she’s done some sort of conference in New York.”

“Well, it sounds exotic anyway,” said Justine. “Why not? It might be just what you need while you decide what you’re going to do with your life.”

That was, of course, the question. “I’m intrigued,” I admitted. “Phillip was right. It sounds exotic, it sounds interesting, and it’s the other side of the world.”

“Top of the world,” said Justine. “Everest’s the highest mountain on Earth.”

“I’m not actually climbing Everest,” I reminded her.

“No,” she conceded. “You’d need to be a little more of an Outdoors Girl for that. Still, it might lead to other things.”

“Like what?” I asked suspiciously.

Justine grinned. “Romance?” she suggested.

I threw the popcorn at her.

***

Excerpt from The Everest Enigma by Jeannette de Beauvoir. Copyright 2025 by Jeannette de Beauvoir. Reproduced with permission from Jeannette de Beauvoir. All rights reserved.

 

 

Author Bio:

Jeannette de Beauvoir

Jeannette de Beauvoir is an award-winning author of historical and mystery/thriller fiction and a poet whose work has appeared in numerous literary journals and anthologies. She has written three mystery series along with a number of standalone novels; her work “demonstrates a total mastery of the mystery/suspense genre” (Midwest Book Review) She’s a member of the Authors Guild, the Mystery Writers of America, Sisters in Crime, and the Historical Novels Society. She lives and works in a seaside cottage on Cape Cod where she’s also a local theatre critic and hosts an arts-related program on WOMR, a Pacifica Radio affiliate.

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Afterward by Bristol Vaudrin Banner

AFTERWARD

by Bristol Vaudrin

May 19 – June 13, 2025 Virtual Book Tour

Synopsis:

Afterward by Bristol Vaudrin

In an unnamed city, a young woman deals with an unspeakable tragedy, and her boyfriend’s subsequent hospitalization.

Torn from her normal routines—coffee, sex, barhopping, and disc golf—she finds herself in an unfamiliar world of hospital visits and doctor’s appointments, all while navigating an unexpected move to a new apartment and enduring the disapproval of her boyfriend’s mother, as well as the gossip of her friends and coworkers. (Plus the suspicious looks of strangers, and the unbearable strain on her credit card…and did we mention the gossip of her friends and coworkers?) Along the way, she meets every obstacle with…well, not grace, exactly. In fact, pretty much the opposite of grace. Maybe more like bitchiness, truth be told. And all the while, the aftereffects of the tragedy cast a pall over everything she does—and threaten to destroy everything she has.

Bristol Vaudrin’s fascinating debut novel is an engrossing and darkly comedic read with an unforgettable narrator/protagonist. Watching her struggles—real, imagined, and in-between—we too must choose between kindness and judgment, between condescension towards someone who simply doesn’t have a clue, and empathy with a person struggling to deal with something we all must face: the desire to hold on to the things we enjoy when the world around us changes in ways we didn’t expect.

Praise for Afterward:

“Afterward is a perfectly titrated novel. In this taut, voice-driven, and viciously subversive debut, Bristol Vaudrin proves herself a master of withholding, cleverly navigating the chasm between said and unsaid as she exposes the underside of humanity at its most self-absorbed. A terrific debut!”
~ Sara Lippmann, author of Jerks and Lech

“Bristol Vaudrin’s Afterward describes contemporary work and social life in lyrical, almost anthropological, detail, but the traumatic event that sets the novel in motion suffuses it with dread and forces a reckoning with the way we live now. The combination of emotional intensity and dry humor evokes European writers like Elena Ferrante and Fleur Jaeggy, but the void Vaudrin stares down, and even comes to terms with, is unmistakably American. A powerful meditation on grief that isn’t afraid to make you laugh amid the pain.”
~ Christian TeBordo, author of Ghost Engine and The Apology

“Bristol Vaudrin’s debut is a marvel that pulls the reader along with sophisticated sentences that manage to be both haunting and hilarious. Afterward will keep you stunned from its first page.”
~ Avner Landes, author of Meiselman

Book Details:

Genre: Literary Fiction
Published by: Tortoise Books
Publication Date: March 4, 2025
Number of Pages: 242
ISBN: 9781948954914 (ISBN10: 1948954915)
Book Links: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | BookShop.org | Goodreads | Tortoise Books

Read an excerpt:

Afterward, I broke open. I cried. I held him so tight I left nail marks in his skin. What were a few more marks now?

The EMTs ungently separated us, and, with the coordination of motions necessitated a thousand times, they deftly lifted Kyle from the malignity of our apartment floor to a gurney that could barely contain his tall frame. They secured him under a thin blanket pulled all the way up to his chin and rushed him out our door into the hallway, past building onlookers, toward a waiting elevator, shouting to me which hospital to meet him at.

Then I was there, by myself, panting, kneeling on the floor, staring at my still-connected phone nearby with the 911 operator trying to get my attention. I disconnected and a moment later listened to the sirens reverberating off the impenetrable glass apartment towers around us as the ambulance pulled away.

I stared straight ahead, so flooded with emotion that none could get out. I fingered one of the smooth buttons on the front of my jacket until it felt uneven, and realized I had loosened the thread holding it on. I looked down at the ruined thread, thinking about how much effort it would require to fix it later.

I raised my eyes from the thread to the unholy mess that surrounded me, and thought of the money we had to put down to get this place, the most we had ever had to come up with, what almost kept us from getting the apartment.

The wailing of the ambulance was farther away now, and I could hear the disquieted murmuring of our neighbors outside our still-open door.

I picked my keys up off the floor, gathered my phone and purse, smoothed down my skirt, and walked—unsteady, chin raised—out the door into the sea of rubberneckers, locking our apartment behind me.

I do not remember getting in the elevator or pressing P so it would sink me down to the level of my car. But that is where I found myself. I do not remember making my way out of the gray parking cavern, across the snowy streets filled with work day stragglers trying to get home, to the hospital. But there it was. It loomed into view ahead of me, and I did not know if I had come to it or it to me. I followed the burning red Emergency signs, as this undeniably was an emergency, right? Or had that moment passed? Then I just kept following—following signs, following instructions, following people. It was all I could do.

I answered endless questions from untouchable people in glass enclosures whose entire job was to guide people through this plane that existed outside our normal lives. Finally, when all the check-ins were completed and necessary information provided, I sat down to wait. I was in the emergency room waiting area, my face paralyzed in a thousand-yard-stare, as hours or years slipped by, surrounded by people stuck in the sucking mud of sickness and trauma.

I needed to call Kyle’s mom.

Instead, I called my mom. Voicemail. I wanted the recording of her voice to come alive and talk to me. But I forgot, it is Wednesday. Mom is on a plane to Italy with two of her friends: her dream trip. “Mom, something’s happened. Give me a call when you can.”

I lowered my hand to my lap, still holding the now-dark phone. I stared, mute, at an empty wall opposite me. A woman in dull blue scrubs appeared in the way of my stare, and I slowly raised my eyes to hers.

“Lauren?” she said.

I considered the question, then nodded.

“I’m Nurse Lindsay. You can come back now.”

I nodded again, and followed her out of the waiting area through a set of double doors.

The doors opened into a large, antiseptic hallway, housing beds separated by nothing more than what looked like heavy sheets hanging from the ceiling, and I found it impossible to not look at the other patients as we went by. I wanted someone—patient or staff—to scold me for the intrusion, but no one had the energy.

I was so distracted watching a gray-looking man in a bed weakly calling for help that I almost ran into the nurse, who had stopped in front of me at the foot of a bed. I did not recognize that I was standing at the foot of Kyle’s bed until the nurse said, “Here we are,” and gestured at his sleeping figure.

I gasped slightly, as if I’d come upon him like this without warning. Maybe I had, but that moment was hours in the past now. Now the gasp only indicated a crack in the wall of composure I had been building.

The nurse swung a cheap, hard plastic chair up to the bed. “Go ahead and have a seat, but let him sleep if you can. The doctor will be in after he’s had a chance to look at the X-rays.” With that, she pulled a ceiling sheet near the foot of the bed partway closed, and left. She may have done it to create the illusion of privacy, but I knew we were now just part of the lineup for the other emergency room voyeurs.

I stood next to him and stared while he slept, inanimate, under the harsh judgment of the fluorescent lights. How could it be Kyle?

I studied him, hunting for something to betray the imposter, but it was Kyle’s free range brown hair, his eyebrow divided by a scar from where a baseball caught him trying to steal second base when he was eleven, and another nearly undetectable scar on his lip from mountain biking the year we met. He had shown up that night four years ago for our planned dinner with a cold pack on his swollen face, still leaking blood. My roommates had fawned over him while I pouted about the ruined dinner I had spent all afternoon preparing. He just grinned that quirky smile of his and said he was starving. Watching him eat my dinner that night, despite what had to be withering pain (and what I realized after taking a bite was terrible food), had stoked a spark. That was not the last time Kyle would show up injured, grinning, and packing a great story. It was one of the keys to his magnetism. I smiled at the memory, and cried.

I pulled the chair closer and positioned it next to his chest, where he would be able to see me without contorting himself. Or at least, he could once he woke up.

Outside his tiny, curtained pseudo-room I could hear the staff talking about a bad date one of them had had. Their laughter here seemed like a flower growing in rubble—hopeful, misplaced?

I noticed the black dress shoes of someone standing on the other side of our half-wall who seemed to be working there, because they were not moving off like all the other shoes. I stared at them; they were worn but immaculate.

A loose strand of my dark brown hair fell into my peripheral vision, and I tucked it behind my ear to delay having to take care of it properly. I looked reflexively at my phone to see if I had missed anything, but there was nothing.

I looked at Kyle again. I briefly, selfishly, thought about waking him. I needed to know what happened, and for him to tell me everything would be all right.

Beneath the blanket, his chest rose and fell with percussive monotony. I watched it, transfixed, tears streaming freely now.

Then, a doctor with a clipboard appeared in the opening between the curtain walls. “Knock, knock,” he said, stepping in. “Hi, I’m Dr. Moreno. Are you Lauren?”

“Yes.” I stood up but looked away, smearing tears across my cheek in a failed attempt to wipe my face clean of giveaways.

“Great, have a seat.” He gestured to my chair and pulled another chair up to face mine. We both sat.

“And what is your last name?”

“Delgado.”

“D-E-L-G-A-D-O?”

“Yes.”

“So, Spanish?” he said, as he wrote it on the clipboard paper.

“My father was from Mexico.”

He continued ticking boxes and flipping pages on the clipboard. “Ah, I just spent some time down there volunteering in a village. Where is your father from?”

“I don’t know. He died before I was born.”

He looked up. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

I smiled politely, accepting the obligatory sympathy.

“Is your mother also from Mexico?”

“No, New Hampshire.”

The doctor chuckled. “That’s a long way from Mexico.”

I smiled weakly. It was. And growing up in one looking like the other had left me feeling like a citizen of neither. Because in the small, friendly college town where I grew up, there were only a few others like me, and none I saw regularly—not on the playground, not in class pictures. In the Thanksgiving play I was cast as a Wampanoag Indian. Again. And again. And again. Until finally I came home in tears and my mother called my third-grade teacher, Ms. Martin, to suggest someone else have a chance to experience the role. (I can still remember Ellie Thompson’s anguish when she lost her role as Pilgrim and was recast in my place. “But my family came over on the Mayflower!” she wailed.)

My mom said we were helping to educate good people. But that was a job I had never asked for.

She also worked hard to explore my father’s culture with me. Every year for Día de los Muertos, we painted our faces and dressed up as skeletons. My grandparents would play my father’s cassette tapes and the three of us would dance around by candlelight while Mom was cooking. We would buy the local florist out of marigolds, eat sugar skulls, and set up an altar for my father. On it, below his picture, we would set Coca-Cola, his favorite (though as a kid I preferred apple cider), and the special foods Mom had made, including his favorite enchiladas. We would take a raft of pictures, mostly of me, and send them, along with a letter carefully translated by the high school Spanish teacher for some cash on the side, to his mother, my abuela. We never heard back from her, but every year we continued to send pictures and a letter.

I remember when I was four or five, after checking the mailbox every day for weeks, I asked, “Why doesn’t abuela write back, Mommy?”

She stopped what she was doing and took my hands. “Well honey, your father grew up very poor out in the country, so she may not have the money for paper and pencils and postage. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy receiving our letters and pictures.”

I nodded, hearing but not fully understanding this new detail about the man who contributed half of my genetic material, with no sense of what it meant to be him.

Even after I went away to college, my mom would send me a care package to celebrate my father on that day, and ask me to send pictures she could print out to send to her. Despite her best efforts, I still wore that culture like a backpack, rather than feeling it in my veins. The majority-white people of New Hampshire were my people, even though I was always a side glance away from feeling they were not. I did not have to codeswitch, because no one had told me the code.

The doctor with the clipboard was saying something. “And you live with Kyle, is that right?”

“Yes.”

He made a note.

“Is he your boyfriend?” he asked, without looking up.

“Yes.” This was all information I had given before, but I was thankful to be asked questions I had the answers to.

“It’s been a rough day for you, hasn’t it?” Now he looked at me earnestly, and I tried to push down the brick that had just developed in my throat. I nodded and lowered my eyes, refusing to believe I was going to cry in front of this doctor, though fresh tears were already rallying.

The doctor put his hand on my arm, then reached for a box of tissue. “Here.”

I pulled the top tissue to my face and met the doctor’s eyes again, as if lack of moisture proved composure, as if my red eyes were not already blazing the banner “not composed.”

The doctor continued, flipping through several pages on his clipboard and looking at Kyle. “We have him on something for the pain. He didn’t break any bones, fortunately, but there is obviously some other trauma. We’re going to be moving him to a room in the regular part of the hospital, so that’ll be more comfortable than our little tents here.” He paused to look at me and smile, then continued. “And, of course, we want to make sure he’s doing okay before he leaves the hospital.”

I nodded.

He paused, looking at his clipboard. “The EMTs said you didn’t know how long he had been like that when you found him, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He looked at the clipboard again, then rapped his pen against it and stood up. “Okay! Do you have any questions?”

I shook my head, lying.

“We’ll get him set up in that room as soon as we can. Would you like to wait here with him?”

“Yes, if that’s okay. I mean, I know I’m not actual family.”

He smiled. “In here, it’s whoever shows up.”

I smiled.

“Someone will check back in with you in a bit.” He laid his hand on my arm again, giving me a reassuring nod. “Take care.”

“Thank you. I will.”

I still needed to call Kyle’s mom.

***

Excerpt from Afterward by Bristol Vaudrin. Copyright 2025 by Bristol Vaudrin. Reproduced with permission from Bristol Vaudrin. All rights reserved.

 

 

Author Bio:

Bristol Vaudrin

Bristol was born in Alaska, and named after Bristol Bay, where her parents fished commercially. Later, she was raised in Southcentral Alaska, splitting time between her family’s off-the-grid homestead at Flat Horn Lake, and attending school in Anchorage.

She now lives in Portland, Oregon, with her husband, dog, and way too many books.

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