Humor
Date Published: 13 March 2017

A long time ago
in a faraway land
there lived a woman
who was allergic to dust.
Her name was Cinderella
Funny Fairytales are a twist on the old beloved Grimm and Disney Fairy Tales. They are fun short stories people can read in a couple of minutes when waiting for the bus or on a train ride. Work just like an app, with story plot changes, new adventurous characters, mysteries and danger.

Funny Fairy Tales 1 – Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
The new Snow White, with the vicious queen Anagrola, the confused and sarcastic mirror Shraga, and the most gifted seven men you’ve ever met.
The traditional tale, with a new development – snow white is not pretty, but smart, the mirror, Shraga has a hate-hate relationship with the jealous queen, and the dwarfs are each craft masters.

Funny Fairy Tales 2 – Cinderella
The new Cinderella, with the mysterious blue fairy godmother, the cunning step-sisters, and a woman, who for the life of her, just can’t stop cleaning!
The traditional tale, with a new development – a new young fairy godmother, Cinderella as a neat freak allergic to dust and with step-sisters who are good and desire to save her.

Funny Fairy Tales 3 – Red Riding Hood
The new Red Riding, with the hood that leads to fame and fortune, the mysterious wild wolf, and a grandmother so evil, she could rewrite the history of sin. Red’s not little anymore!
The traditional tale, with a new development – the grandmother is exceptionally vicious and the wolf very wise, red riding hood is a young curious and passionate woman exploring the life of fame, and the topic of false accusation is strong in the book.

About the Author

Reut Barak is a freelance journalist, previously published in National Geographic online. She has an MBA from the University of Oxford, and has worked and traveled internationally. This is her first book series.

Well, no not really… The true story is:
Reut was born in Camelot in the year 1201, following the famous explosion of the northern dragon tower.
She has a degree in fantasy and science fiction from the University of Atlantis and this record can be found in the central library, now twenty thousand leagues under the sea.
She likes phoenix riding, dragon fighting and painting the roses red.
More here:

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Snow White
Cinderella
 
Red Riding

Excerpt from Cinderella:

A long time ago

in a faraway land

there lived a woman

who was allergic to dust.

 

She was also allergic to cat hair, pollen, mould, nuts, soy, and latex.

She lived in the attic, which she kept sterile- clean.

She would rarely get out, because the house had a cat and she was allergic to cat hair.

She would keep the windows shut to avoid the pollen.

 

She tested her food to avoid nuts and soy.

She chased the microbes, and the dirt and the germs and the insects, and walked around with a small broom, ready to use.

In short, she was nuts.

Her name was Cinderella.

 

Excerpt from Red Riding Hood

When Red finally reached her grandmother’s cottage, it was noon and she had eaten a collection of mushrooms she had never seen before.

She was also seeing colors she had never seen before.

The cottage was quiet, and the door creaked when Red unlocked it.

“Granny?”

There was no answer.
Red walked in slowly. She was dizzy, but she managed to walk straight into her grandmother’s bedroom, and approach the bed.

“Granny?”

Her grandmother seemed somewhat different.

For starters, she had very big eyes.

Red never noticed that before.

Her grandmother also had fur.

Red stopped, confused.

There was something funny going on.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

She thought she might as well say something.

 

“What big eyes you have.”

Really? thought the wolf, who was lying in her grandmother’s bed. “Well… the better to see you with.”

“What big ears you have.”

“Well… the better to hear you with.”

“What a big nose you have.”

“The better to smell you with.”

“What big…”

“I can tell where this is going, and I’m not interested. No offense.”

 

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About the Book

Title: The Hooligans of Kandahar

Author: Joseph Kassabian

Genre: Nonfiction / War Memoir

During the peak years of the Afghanistan War, a group of soldiers is dropped by helicopter into the remote mountains outside of Kandahar City. Mismanaged and overlooked by command, how they survive is largely up to them. In the birthplace of the Taliban, some men lose their sanity, others their humanity. They are The Hooligans.

Written in the months and years following his deployment, Joseph Kassabian recounts his time in the isolated and dangerous country of Afghanistan. Pulling no punches, The Hooligans of Kandahar is a sobering, saddening, and often sarcastic first-hand account of America’s War on Terror.

 

Buy Links

Buy it on Amazon in ebook

Buy it on Amazon in Paperback


Book Excerpts

Excerpt #1.

Generally, when our squad went on patrol for hours at a time, we would set up Observation Points, or OPs. OPs were areas that were slightly defensible and allowed us to watch a large area while remaining concealed from sight. That’s what the manual says about OPs, anyway.

    What we really used them for was to duck away in the night for a few hours and take turns napping. A few soldiers stood watch while the others removed their overbearing gear and lay down in the dirt to catch a few minutes of much-needed sleep.

    The official mission was to watch over a Taliban “rat line,” or trail used for smuggling weapons into the area. We had watched the ratline and raided various houses in the last few months and found nothing. We were all pretty sure that the ratline didn’t actually exist anywhere outside of Scream’s head.

Since Scream was adamant that something was going to happen in that village, he kept ordering us to sit in the darkness and stare at nothing.

    We established a primary OP on an elevated ridge that overlooked the trail that Scream was certain was a pathway for whatever nefarious deeds the Taliban did at night. During our first ten-hour watch of the area, Walrus—who was one of the laziest people I’ve ever met—found a couch in one of the cornfields. He dragged the furniture up the ridge and into the OP, giving the position its name.

   It was at that OP that some of us older soldiers had to teach the other guys the art of soldiering in the pitch darkness. Smoking without being seen became a skill. You could easily see a cigarette’s lit cherry over a mile away. If you weren’t careful, you could give away your position while feeding your terrible vice.

  You could stick your cigarette and lighter into your ration bag to light it. Then cup your hand around your mouth and cigarette when you need a hit to conceal yourself from whoever wants to blow your face off in the middle of the night. A few of us switched from smoking to chewing tobacco for night patrols. The first few times I tried it I puked on myself.

There was only one guy in our squad who didn’t smoke or dip—Slim, but he made up for it in the states with a drinking habit that would make Hemmingway suggest rehab.

 

Excerpt #2.

We had to teach our soldiers real skills to survive at night as well. You would be surprised how much noise a soldier can make shambling through the darkness with all the gear we carry. We had to duct tape down anything that would rattle or clang off another piece of equipment and spray paint any little piece of metal that would catch the moonlight.

I knew a few guys who went above and beyond by not cleaning themselves for weeks in order to smell like the natives. Like the Taliban were out in the mountains trying to sniff us out of our hiding spots or something.

 

Excerpt #3.

At some point during the night, all hell broke loose. Guns started cracking to life. Machine guns and rockets started ripping through the air all over. Tracer rounds started tearing through the night from all sides about one hundred yards in front of them. They had no idea what was going on and no one was actually shooting at them. No one seemed to know that they were there. It was like they stumbled upon some random turf war in the middle of nowhere. The various militant groups that operated in our area—a strange mix of Islamic insurgents, smugglers, and gangs—routinely tried to kill each other. The Afghan security forces would shoot at anything that went bump in the night. It could have easily been two different Afghan Police patrols shooting at each other.

Forbidden Colours was the evolution of a question that had been rattling around in my brain. You know, those annoying questions that wake you at 4am and won’t let you rest until you’ve written something. Well, that’s how it was for me. I had read a newspaper article about the complexity of the human brain and well, it all started from there. Forbidden Colours is a gripping love story which contains elements of psychological suspense. It has enough adrenaline fuelled drama to power the national grid! Once I had the protagonist Midori Yates firmly fixed in my mind’s eye she took charge and dictated the direction of travel. I have a passion for science and being able to incorporate that into a book is very exciting. The story centres around a new drug being brought to market that does not quite do what it is supposed to…. I shall leave it at that. As I said earlier I started Forbidden Colours with a question and everything flowed from there. So, I know you want to know, what was the question? It’s a question I often ask myself but seldom has it led me in such an unusual direction…… ‘ What if?’

Buy Link: Find at Amazon Here

Blurb:

What if your memories were not your memories? What if the drug hailed as a cure becomes your  curse and ultimately your destruction?

Forbidden Colours is a gripping tale where nothing is quite as it seems. Neurologist Nick Campbell is all set to believe in new drug Centoria, but when his patients start turning up dead he starts to wonder whether his faith has been blind.

Determined to uncover the truth, pharmaceutical employee Midori Yates and Dr Nick Campbell find a conspiracy that is to have devastating consequences for both of them. Forbidden Colours is a clever contemporary thriller that has numerous twists and turns that will make your head spin! A book for bedtime? Maybe but don’t expect to get any sleep!

Snippet:

Katzuko Yates eyed her daughter thoughtfully. A sense of apprehension gripped her. Those years in Japan were long ago; she wondered if she could be clear with her explanation. Even though buried, her memories continued to breathe under the mountain of life she’d lived. Dare she even speak of them? Could she speak of them? Their place of residence had become an unmarked grave in her history. Her family had a right to know, after everything that had happened. His world was dark and full of shadows; where would she begin? For over 25 years she had told no one. Now she was being drawn back into his world. It was a time she wanted to forget. The tie that had been bound to her so tightly was about to be broken.

Buy Link: Find at Amazon Here

Author Bio:

Nicole Fitton is an author and freelance writer who has lived in such glamorous locations as London, New York and Croydon! She currently reside in Devon, UK with her family. Forbidden Colours is her second novel. Her career has spanned over 3 decades working in PR and marketing within the music industry. She currently works within healthcare in the UK.

Alongside her novels Nicole has a passion for writing short stories.This year has seen her short ‘Soaring’ featured in an anthology by the Black Pear Press. Her stories always have a happy ending, but, the way in which they get there will keep you guessing right up until the last page! She admits she gets bored easily and can often be found enjoying new adventures!


Links:

Website address: https://www.nicolefittonauthor.com/

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Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nicole-Fitton/e/B01A3NSIL6/

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